Having an allotment is pretty much the most exciting thing in my life right now. This is sadly true, and as a young twenty five year old female I am well aware of how utterly lame that sounds. But there is something about the allotment that really gets me buzzing. I’d been away for the weekend and popped down while my fella was at work to water it. Due to late nights at work and busy schedules it had been ages since I’d been down there, and so the squeals of delight and excitement that I emitted as I saw how much our corn had grown were enough to deafen my mum at the other end of the country. Granted I did squeal directly down the phone and into her ear, but the point is, I was buzzing!


I’ve never grown anything and basically have zero understanding of how science works. Like I know plants grow, and I can thrown around terms like osmosis, photosynthesis and talk about the ph of soil as much as any GCSE graduate, but my experience in witnessing science in action is limited. I’m more au fait with the work of  Proffessor Sprout’s Herbology lessons than I am Alan Titchmarsh, and so it’s no wonder that seeing green leaves poke their heads above soil renders my speechless as though I’ve just witnessed some sort of Venomous Tentacula start teething.


We’ve planted corn and beans, and at the moment they are the plants where I can spot the most growth. They are literally gaining inches everyday, and so when youve not been for a while, they look completely different. I mean, I don’t think we’ve any impending concern for descending giants but still, they’re getting tall. Likewise the corn, which began life flimsy and pathetic looking, (it’s leaves splitting in the days after we stuck it in the soil) Now -at least to my untrained eye- it’s flourishing. Leaves spouting up, bushy and actually resembling corn. Today my fella informed me that actual real life yellow courgettes have begun growing, “they’re not ready yet”, he said, raising his eyebrows at my palpable ignorant excitement, “we have to wait for them to flower”. He’s like my horticultural guru, holding my hand down the literally garden path.


We got concerned actually about our courgettes, our worries revealing our ignorance in the ways of the plant life. We asked our friend (also an alloter) why the leaves on one plant were turning yellow. He kindly assured us that there was nothing to worry about and that it was just because it was new. Rookie worries. That’s the thing though, me and my fella are green- we know a bit (him waaaaay more than me) but still, we don’t know much. And no matter how much you google, or read in books; both of which we do, I’m pretty sure that the success of having an allotment comes from years of practice and lots of secret tips, passed on behind sheds and in exchange for asparagus cuttings. We’ve had two months. I don’t think we’re doing too badly.


Tonight is a very special night as we are digging in to our first crop. TWO radishes. Oh boy, Oh wow. I know. Hold your horses. I’m sure you’ll mock, but for me- eating something I’ve had a hand in growing; seeing produce from our allotment as part of our meal. That just blows my mind. There’s not a lot can top that.






I told you. I’m a bit of a loser.



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